Anal Sex Tips from a Pro: The Anal King
We posted an article about anal sex last week, and we got incredible feedback from Anal King. Whoever this mystery commenter is, I love you. He left a comment that totally schooled me on anal sex (I lack experience), so listen to the king and don’t be afraid to explore the backdoor!
To paraphrase: condoms are not an alternative to preparation and cleaning, and shit happens.
Here’s his full comment, in all of its glory:
Allow me…(Btw, I’m an anal loving bisexual dude. So…there!)What are ladies REALLY concerned about when it comes to anal sex? What about men? Both straight and gay?
To put it nicely, they’re worried they will have an accident and will no longer be sexy to their partners and basically kill the moment.
Many people decide against having anal due to not even knowing where to start to ensure a clean, sexy experience. The bad news is there are no clear answers and no sure methods of achieving complete cleanliness. And chances are, if you regularly have anal sex, you WILL find yourself face to face with the smell and mess best reserved for the toilet in the bedroom at some point along the way. Our bowels are tricky muthus and the same cleansing routine may fall short depending on bodily factors we can’t always predict or control, much less, completely cleanse away. We’re talking miles and miles of intestines here!
Nina Hartley once gave seemingly bizarre but REALLY good advice regarding one-on-one anal sex prep: DO NOT go overboard with the cleansing and only worry about the immediate rectal cavity. Meaning, don’t go jamming gallons of water into your hole in an ambitious attempt to be immaculately clean because all it will do is trigger a never ending stream of filth from deep inside.
She recommends only taking about an average cock-size worth of water and douching with it several times until what comes out is clear and you’re done.
As long as you didn’t have anything to eat recently and the act will take place soon after, you should enjoy a mess and odor free anal session with your hubby, boyfriend, giggolo, slut, whore, mistress, anal queen, or church member.
Now, for DPs and fisting and all that deeply invasive, wonderful stuff…go the roto router route! Get yourself one of those heavy duty metallic shower enema hoses, stick in your butthole, and let the stream of warm water flow and allow those intestines to contract. I use this method mostly and it is NOT pretty. It is both painful, very messy, and very foul. When water flows that deep, it causes your bowels to involuntarily contract in an effort to eject and flush all that filth away. This produces a very deep, dull, enveloping pain comparable to what you feel when you have a bad case of the runs. It’s like your bowels are throwing up. It’s also a very time consuming process, so you know those sluts and hos who regularly do fisting and the like, REALLY love their raunchy sex! This, of course, varies depending on diet and other factors. But if you’re generally a carnivore and junk food is a regular at your dinner table, expect a long cleansing session for [almost] worry free anal sex. One session lasted a whole day for me. It typically takes several hours. But when I’m done, I could have a truck go up there and it would come out crystal clean…most of the time.
Simply, you must get over your aversion to shit and learn how to deal with it maturely. I’m not saying you should learn to like it…hellz no!! But instead of blushing and being apologetic or wrinkling your nose and nervously giggling, deal with those rare accidents with true slut class! Make a witty joke about it and swiftly remove the offending source without missing a beat and get back into the action ASAP. If you cannot continue with anal, then that’s when you should be at least a little apologetic because anal rocks! lol. Once, a friend of mine was fucking my ass and he pulled out and out came an unwelcome surprise guest. Before I could even begin to feel embarrassed, he wiped it away with his towel and announced, “well…this towel is toast!”We both laughed, and after a short re-cleansing, we were at it again as if nothing. I would have definitely been devastated and extremely ashamed had he reacted like a jerk or like a giddy juvenile.
Finally, let’s dispel some myths while we’re at it…
1.) People who love anal sex absolutely LOVE shit!!! I assure you most anal sessions around the globe avoid shit as much as humanly possible. Doing it means you should get real about it, not necessarily dig it.
2.) Condoms are a real nifty way to shield the cock from shit! Repeat after me: condoms are not an alternative to preparation and cleaning!
I actually have had several experiences with guys who actually did that…and when I pulled out and saw my rubber caked in crap and the non-chalant demeanor of the slut I was fucking…I was not happy. He knew he was filthy but thought a condom would make it all better. An accident is one thing, but he should’ve told me he wasn’t very clean and give me the choice to avoid such a turn-off, especially for a top!! So, no, condoms aren’t nifty, convenient, mini crap raincoats, they are there to prevent the exchange of fluids.
Allowing it at all, even with condom on is missing the point and not at all considerate unless your partner is aware of it and chooses to wear it for more than shielding the cock from VD! Nobody likes shit and, no, shit isn’t sexy. But we all shit and we all shit shit that stinks like shit.
If you’re going to explore the backdoor, you have to be open and frank about shit, which means just about every article about anal out there that glosses over shit is, well, SHIT!!!
Got it? Now go out there and find a backdoor partner to tango with. Oh, and if you have feedback on anal sex or another one of our article please leave your thoughts!
