Behold: The One-Night Stand Kit
Over caveman-sized portions of pizza, pasta and draft beer, I informed two good friends about the existence of a particularly intriguing new product that I had just read about. It was an all-inclusive kit for adopters of the one-night stand—particularly women. Since my closest female friend is a self-proclaimed slut, (to which I insist she’s just “taking back feminism one dick at a time”) the mere mention of the product, “The Walk of Shame Kit” (which retails for $34.99), sparked her interest like a Craigslist ad for a bareback orgy.
The kit comes with the following:
• Dress
• Flip-flops
• Backpack
• Sunglasses
• Pre-pasted toothbrush
• Wipes
• Call/don’t call note card
• Breast cancer awareness bracelet
“What does the dress look like?” was my friend’s first question. The answer to which is disappointing: A long, grey, v-neck t-shirt. The “backpack” is a measly piece of folded fabric with strings you wear over your shoulders—like an Under Armor shopping bag. And the flip-flops probably wouldn’t make it the entire walk home, forcing you to Flintstone the remainder of the way barefoot.
These substandard products come packaged in an oversized can with a graphic of a woman ushering us to “shut the fuck up” about the shameful act we’ve presumably just committed. Which is total bullshit. Women shouldn’t feel ashamed about this behavior. None of us should. Sex is fun, and we should be able to have it (and broadcast the action on CAM4) if we choose to.
There isn’t a male-centric kit available (yet), but that hasn’t stopped the kit makers from marketing the product towards us ball-danglers:
“And for you guys, aren’t you tired of her taking your favorite tee-shirt the morning after to walk home in. Your problem is now solved,keep a Walk of Shame™ Kit in your house and you don’t have to worry about calling her to get your favorite tee back again.”
First of all, no man lends his one-night stand his favourite tee—if he even has one. The article of clothing he does lend is usually something he’s found on the floor that hasn’t yet collected mold or hasn’t been used to wipe his cock clean after a jerk-off session.The only question that remains is storage. I guess ladies could store the Pringles-sized can in her purse, assuming it’s the size of a potato sack; but if worse comes to worse, a particularly “elastic” woman could sit on the thing and whip it out the next morning like a rabbit from a top hat.
And hey, when in doubt just call a taxi. You don’t need a kit and you’ll home quickly, safely, and privately ;)
What do you think: Will this product catch on? Or flop like some sad, flaccid penis? Tell us in the comments!
This is the first guest post from our new contributor: Bobby! Give him a warm welcum to the CAM4 party and let him know what you think of his One-Night Stand Kit review!
